Queer Plants, Odd People

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Nature Loves Weird Plants & So Do We

Over the years, I’ve written hundreds-ok, thousands-of articles about gardening. Judging by reader responses, it’s pretty clear that for gardeners, what’s news is what’s new and different. However, results may vary: when I was first getting truly obsessive about plants, I happily fell in with a fervent band of collectors who lusted after the old, the heritage and antique forms of certain plants. Elizabethan hose-in-hose primulas, archetypal back-bred daffodils, heirloom apples, all were prized as much as the newest hosta or heuchera. This often led to the species stage, where instead of hybrids, one develops a deep need for every possible parent species of the chosen obsession, which often means growing from seed, which may or may not be available commercially, which leads to making swapping relationships with other mad collectors.

Clearly, the oddity factor is enormously appealing for collectors of all kinds, from plants to model trains to stamps to tea pots. For many gardeners, collector-itis starts with the gotta-have-them-all phase in which we seek out every mainstream-available type of whatever it is we are fixed upon. However, if we truly get hooked, we then start seeking out the oddities; rare and unusual forms, colors, textures, sizes. It’s only recently occurred to me that the gardening community’s delight in diversity isn’t mirrored in many other places these days. It seems that, just as we gardeners love and determinedly collect weird plants, we also, generally speaking, are able to appreciate non-normative people more than the culture as a whole. Could this acceptance be in part based on the fact that many of us are at least a bit non-normative ourselves? Asking for a friend…

Perfect Doesn’t Exist

Like many people, I needed some nudging to develop acceptance of some forms of plant diversity. I admit that I still think some yellow foliage looks chlorotic and find certain wilder types of variegation unappealing, especially the less symmetrical. Growing up in a very traditional New England town and having been deeply influenced by Gerard Manley Hopkins’s views about the nature of beauty, I found symmetry soothing, and had to work at broadening my assumptions to include asymmetry and variegation. With enthusiastic teachers ardently pointing out the desirability of variety and variation, eventually I could open my mind to many fresh viewpoints.

As the mother of a brilliant neuro-diverse kid who is now a transgender woman, I’ve had to stretch open my mind a whole lot more over the years. Today, I’m grateful for each of the nudges (not to say shoves) that were required, and my own slow opening makes me more patient with folks who have a hard time accepting diversity in their family or community. Sometimes, especially lately, I catch myself wondering why it’s so hard for some people to be open minded (not to say kind), and I need to remember my own faltering early progress. A friend used to say, “Progress, not perfection,” and now I really know why. Indeed, one big nudge came for me when I was in nursing school, doing an OB/GYN rotation. One of the delivery docs was explaining why a newborn had tiny gills under his ears and how they would close up undetectably before very long. Faced with a zillion shocked questions from a gaggle of nursing students, he said, “In all my years of delivering babies, I’ve never yet seen one that was 100% “perfect”. Everyone has something a little bit different about them, and even people who appear totally symmetrical aren’t.”

The Spaciousness Of The Queer

Frantic variegation aside (it still makes me nervous), I’ve come to truly treasure the gardening community’s acceptance of and appreciation for the unusual, which has been a huge help for my own development. I’ve been working with several groups that are trying to expand acceptance of diversity and understanding about what inclusion might look like, and it strikes me that there is so much more spaciousness in the queer community than the “normal” culture can offer. Where mainstream culture has very rigid rules about how people are supposed to look, talk, and act, especially in gender-assigned roles, queer culture is actively opening to an ever-broader set of possibilities.

We are really seeing that stretch in the number of people who are reaching past binary definitions of any kind. Even a few years ago, very few people who transitioned into transgender status de-transitioned. The road to transition was so rocky and painful that nobody got there on a whim and only a tiny percentage ever changed their decisions. That road is still rocky today, despite many helpful changes in best practices that smooth out the process a little, but an increasing number of people are recognizing themselves as simply transgender, rather than being a trans woman or man. Now that more possibilities are being acknowledged, called out by exploratory pioneers, more people, young and older, are moving happily into a status such as gender fluid, gender flexible, or gender expansive. On beyond the binary, turns out there’s a whole universe of options to explore. Onward!

 

 

Posted in Plant Diversity, Sustainable Gardening, Sustainable Living | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

So Many Plants, So Little Time

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When Excess Is Not Our Friend

Hoarding. It’s on my mind because I’ve been helping to empty the jam-packed apartment and garage of a friend who has had a series of strokes and is now confined to a hospital bed, unable to move on her own. I can only imagine how it must feel to have that last stroke and boom! You lose half your body, your autonomy, your agency, your home, your bed, your garden. She has no family, so her friends are helping with the excavation of her stuff. I use the term advisedly, as she is an incredibly neat and tidy hoarder. Open any door in her place and the closet or cupboard will be so full you can’t insert a piece of paper. Start unpacking and you begin to wonder if there’s an extra dimension to the closet, but instead of Narnia, you’ll find the Interstellar Collection Of Old Toothbrushes. Far more comes out of each space than any neuro-typical person could even imagine would fit in it.

My friend was an artist and crafter and her collections are numerous and impressive. There are dozens of little birds of ceramic or wood, dozens of piggy banks, dozens of beautiful pieces of driftwood. Hundreds of shells. Bins of barnacles. Drawers and boxes packed with interesting stones or beach glass or colored sheet glass or broken pottery. We are passing what we can along to local artists, people who do mosaic or work in assemblage or collage or glass art or natural materials. But a heartbreaking amount of her stuff isn’t of any use to anyone. Natural materials-thousands of sticks and rocks an shells-are getting recycled or tucked back into woods or taken back to the beach. But then there’s the garden.

Every Little Thing

Now, I admit, I am something of a plant hoarder myself, if less now than in my prime. When I first started gardening, about fifty years ago (!), I was pretty undiscriminating. Basically, I wanted to grow anything and everything I came across, just to learn more about plants of all kinds. At first, I ordered from Gurney’s Nursery catalogs, which included all kinds of weird things; their ads were like those on the back of comic books, where you could buy Amazing Sea Monkeys and X-Ray Glasses that let you spy on the neighbors in the shower (eeeuuuu). I was fascinated with the idea of buying a vegetable garden by the yard, so I bought coir mats with seeds inside and long tapes with vegetable seeds neatly spaced. You just planted the tape or the mat and shazam! Instant garden!! Of course I tried them all, and of course they didn’t work, but I thought it was probably my fault. Decades later, I learned that many seed companies were banking on that must-be-me syndrome and routinely sold dubious-quality seeds to backyard gardeners that commercial growers wouldn’t have put up with for a minute.

When I ordered ten trees for two dollars and got an envelope with ten thready little twigs I assumed that was the way mail order nurseries worked and planted the poor pathetic things. The miracle was that now and then, something actually lived, which of course fed my acquisitive habit. By the time I got to college I was growing houseplants, mostly from cuttings and starts donated by friends. My dorm room windowsill was packed with plants, as were the windowsills of every apartment afterward. I made curtains of Jasmine and sweet peas, training them up wires on eye-hooks (never, of course, worrying about what was happening to the woodwork). I grew cactus from seed (and actually got quite a variety!) and ferns from spores (wet bricks worked a treat). I filled the fire escape and was delighted when seedlings appeared on the ground far below. I treasured each and every seedling and compulsively potted up everything that came my way.

A Bit Of Land And No Sense

When I finally got my first actual garden, my acquisitiveness knew no bounds. I had more income then, and had discovered real nurseries, with amazingly cool plants that didn’t have to be coaxed to survive (that came later). I discovered the seed lists of various plant societies and started ordering everything that sounded intriguing, spending hours snuggled up with huge, bulky reference books looking up everything unfamiliar (pre-internet, that was a lot more work). By then, the perennial boom was starting up and I met serious hortheads who were collectors. Real collectors, with passions broad and narrow. Some had every historic florist’s primula in existence, some had the only this or that in North America, some had the most daylilies (as in several thousand), some had the blackest iris, the most intricately patterned snowdrops, the rarest species peonies, the hottest new something (at that time, you could trade a single corm of Crocosmia Lucifer for anything your heart lusted after. True story!).

By then, I was starting to write about plants and get paid, so I could write off my plant expenses. That opened the floodgates and whatever tiny remnant of restraint I had left was swept away. Of course I needed every new Heuchera! Naturally I had to grow every minor bulb commercially available. Why would I NOT buy anything at all that might increase my knowledge and my garden? Well, hmm. The garden, sadly, wasn’t quite as large as my appetite for plants. I also had two home schooling kids and a busy writing and speaking career to manage. No worries! Just pot up those new plants and they could get shoehorned in at the right time, which somehow never came. My pot ghetto grew to cover a truly impressive amount of land, and got harder to maintain well. That didn’t mean I stopped buying things, of course, but it did mean that sometimes when I bore home a rare plant in high glee I would be dismayed to discover that I already had one in a pot and it wasn’t exactly thriving. Oh.

You Can’t Take It With You

Those days are long gone, but mostly because I now live in a very small home with a tiny yard. Yes, there are still quite a few pots, but no more sad strays or dying swans. My friend’s garden was as crammed as her apartment, and most of the plants had seen better days, but I have no judgement in my heart for her. I’ve been re-homing whatever I could, passing on plants and pots and garden art through our local Buy Nothing group. After several dozen people have been by to pick and choose, there are still around fifty pots, dozens of mossy rocks, zillions of cool sticks and shells.

Dismantling her collection reminded me of leaving so many of my own gardens over the years, letting go of plants, pots, and people along the way. I’ve been tipping the soil out of her remaining pots and smoothing it into beds that will probably be swallowed by moss and forest before too long. The last pots will get recycled at Lowe’s (the garden center ones have a bring-and-take bin), and the last of her beloved plants are ending up in the green waste bin, bound for that big compost heap in the sky. A week ago, my friend was sad to leave so much behind, but this week, things have changed. She had a waking dream yesterday in which a single red rose sprouted from her chest, its thick, thorny stem climbing up to the sun. The rose opened and a puff of wind blew the petals away.

Posted in Health & Wellbeing, Hoarding, Moss, Recycling Nursery Plastics, Sustainable Gardening, Sustainable Living | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Nature Loves Diversity

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No sheep were harmed by this weird but nontoxic dye job

Healthy Inclusion

It’s been a wild week, with snow and black ice limiting travel and gender diversity and MLK programs expanding thought. I’ve also been following a conversation sparked by the PNW visit of an English TV garden presenter and the resulting shows he’s offered. I haven’t had a television for upwards of 30 years but the debates about the range of garden programs, whether showing formal gardens or wild ones, naturalistic or manicured, haven’t changed much in those decades. I’m warmed by the breadth and wisdom of many of the comments, especially those that strive to transcend established styles and stretch narrow definitions. As I’ve matured as a gardener and as a human being, I’ve come to grasp that both abundance and austerity have their place. Instead of clinging to dualistic, either/or patterns, I’m increasingly drawn to this-AND-that concepts.

This definitely applies to the human condition as well; gender expression, so very limited and narrow in my youth, is being revealed as a rich and expansive new world. Attending meetings and programs addressing gender and race equity encourages me to view everything I think and do through that equity-for-all lens. Participants’ comments and observations remind me to keep gender diversity, social and economic diversity, neuro-diversity, and so much more in that new lens as well. It makes me feel hopeful, amazed, expanding, fascinated, but I’ve had conversations with friends who find this idea daunting and depressing. The usual comment is something like, “How can we possibly do all that?” Um. How can we NOT?

Greeting The Future

In almost every one of these stimulating settings, I’ve been intrigued to notice that I’m one of the oldest participants, if not the oldest, and often by a significant margin. At yesterday’s MLK event at the Bainbridge Island Art Museum, there were kids of all ages and colors swirling through a crowd of young adults, working on art projects and discussing social justice, listening to poetry and several kinds of music, talking about intersectionality with an obvious grasp of the complexities. The only conclusion I can draw is that if 8 and 10 year olds can converse intelligently about so many topics that my generation finds uncomfortable and unmentionable, then maybe we need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

One of my favorite counselors used to say that all the action is at the edge of our comfort zone. As a Jungian, he enjoyed pushing beyond the usual polite observations to ask pointed questions about what was most difficult to discuss. He did it so gently and quietly that I found myself answering carefully and thoughtfully instead of refusing. As he listened so intently, I found myself listening too, hearing myself as I rarely used to. That was many years ago, but I’ve learned to value his observation more deeply over time. The edge, the place of discomfort, is indeed where the important realizations arise and the real changes happen.

Losing Shame, Never Shameless

The good news, for me anyway, is that such deep digging isn’t truly uncomfortable anymore, largely because I seem to have outgrown the reflexive shame that used to accompany almost all those early realizations. Years ago, I remember being in a circle of cancer patients and their support people, each telling a brief snippet of their story as we introduced ourselves. When it was my turn, I said “Shame is my cancer.” I could tell some people found that remark flippant or inappropriate but I saw a few faces change in recognition and fellow feeling. For most of my life, shame ate away my confidence, my pleasure, and my strength. Only at midlife did I begin to gain the tools that allowed me to recognize that shame is a popular and effective tool for controlling others. Really grasping that let me reevaluate the internalized voices that kept childhood shame alive and in charge of me.

Outgrowing shame takes a lot of work. I’m reminded of that as I watch my daughter struggle with her body shame, her social shame, even her own internalized transphobia. She’s smart and wise and willing to work hard on such issues but she can’t manage the work on her own. Fortunately she has good support at her clinic, from her primary care doctor to her counselor, including all the support staff. All that helps, but nobody else can do her work or truly lighten the load. Listening to teens talk about being bullied at school, sometimes several times a day, usually at least a few times each week, I’m struck as much by their courage as by their evident pain. Being a teenager is tough at best. Being a black or brown teen in in a largely white community is many times worse. Being a gender diverse teen is sometimes framed as being trendy or cool but for the kids themselves, it’s a hard, hurtful road, even with the best parental support possible.

Onward

Despite all that, these kids are so bold and brave, so totally refusing to accept the stigma of shame that society tries to dump on them. Their toolboxes are filling a lot faster than mine could, partly because these days, many schools have diversity support groups of various kinds. Any kid with computer access can find more support online, which can be a lifeline for those with unaccepting families and communities. And parents as well can find support and guidance on line if not locally. The more access we have to wider views and less restrictive ideas, the more we can expand into fuller, richer humanity. My hope, bolstered by exposure to many remarkable young people, is that acceptance of diversity blossoms into genuine social inclusion.

I used to scorn the idea that an online community had real power and presence, but these days, I know that they can be as important as family and “real life” friends. I am very grateful for the generous sharing of information, skills and ideas I find from my online community of parents of gender diver kids of all ages. I am equally grateful for inclusion in the worldwide network of horthead gardeners and growers. I love expanding my plant knowledge by hearing about the experience of others. I enjoy the banter and back-and-forth that often accompanies significant conversations that advance understanding throughout the community. I appreciate you, my online friends who often enrich me with your comments and thoughts in return. May the coming year bring us all to better understanding and greater acceptance of the value of diversity, which Nature so clearly dotes on!

 

 

 

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Grow, Grow, Grow Your Own

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How On Earth To Be Prepared

At 5:30 this morning, I snuggled in my warm, comforter-piled bed waiting for the power to come back on. When I got up, thanks to my trusty thermos, filled last night, I had the luxury of a (fairly) hot cup of tea. Thanks to my handy-dandy floating inflatable solar powered lanterns, I was able to look through nursery catalogs while I sipped, cruising for plants I’d love to get to know better. In my modest garden, the only plant I’m concerned about is the (possibly/probably) hardy Frost Proof gardenia. It wasn’t planted until my new bed was built in late July so I’ve been covering it whenever night temperatures dip. Released from its snowy burden and cover cloth, the bouncy little shrub looks fresh and comfortable today despite the below-freezing night. It went into winter covered in buds and I’ve been worried that seasonal confusion could lead it to an early death but so far, those creamy buds are still tightly furled and the foliage looks just lovely. Whew, so far, anyway.

Later, I walked around the neighborhood, shaking snow off bushes and small trees before that dreaded ice layer could glom on too tightly to remove easily. My neighbor’s rhododendron was covered with a giant patchwork of quilts and blankets, now sagging under the snow. We hauled it off and shook it out but left the plant uncovered, since the rather wet snow might turn to drizzle as the temperature hovers around freezing. Wet jackets don’t protect plants well, especially if they freeze. They don’t protect people either, even this well-to-do bubble includes people who have no dry, warm safe place to go. Our Senior Center stayed open as a warming shelter last night, but nobody came. I personally know half a dozen people who are sleeping in their vehicles, and have met more who don’t even have that much of a home base. Where were they sleeping last night?

What’s Enough?

For a while, I was wondering if my daughter and I might be joining the warming center throng-that-wasn’t. This is our first winter in our renovated vintage mobile home and I’ve been very aware that, despite lots of fresh insulation under our new roof and underneath the house, the walls are basically plywood and aluminum cladding. As local weather reports veered and swooped, it was pretty clear that no matter which storm front hit first, it was going to be cold. With high winds predicted, power could go out at any time and stay out for quite a while. Power outages are far less frequent now, but when we first got to the island, power could and would go out randomly all through the year. Back then, everyone had a wood stove and kept a supply of water and canned goods on hand and we soon saw the practical wisdom of that.

Generally speaking, I tend to be over-prepared when possible, but I’m realizing that living in tight quarters makes that harder. There’s no room for a wood stove in our house, and precious little space to store food and other supplies. I’ve got big tubs of emergency stuff on our covered porch, but realistically, they only hold enough for two people for a few weeks at most. On the first Saturday in January, water started gushing out of the private road in the middle of our community. Not surprisingly, getting a plumber isn’t easy on weekends so we had to scramble to get the water turned off for a couple of days. As it turned out, almost nobody had stockpiled water. I used up my stash carrying gallons to each affected household, and you can bet I restocked right quick. But I’ve been thinking about that ever since; what happens if something bigger than a road leak happens? (Take your pick; tsunami, flood, earthquake, bomb dropped on the naval sub base…)

What Happens Happens

When I was a kid, I remember a schoolmate saying on the playground that his dad had a gun and if any of us tried to get into their bomb shelter, his dad would shoot us. I remember huddling under our little desks or being sent to walk home when we had a bomb drill and feeling utterly exposed. I know that our local Prepared team has taken human behavior into account and that our local stockpiles of food, water and supplies will be guarded in the event of an emergency. However, that water incident made me think: Am I truly the only householder out of fifty who has made some provision for disaster? I can’t imaging guarding my own rather random stockpiles, telling needy neighbors that they can’t share our food or water. I also can’t imagine affording or finding space for enough supplies for everyone; a single meal for 75 people could wipe out my entire stash. The hypothetical just got a little more real.

In this community, a handful of us grow some of our own food, and if everyone who could, did, that could make at least a little difference. I’ve been concerned about food security for decades and even in this tiny garden space, we’ve still got some potatoes, garlic, and lots of kale to harvest. An amazing number of local weeds and native plants are edible to some degree. Though some, like elderberries, need cooking and others taste better for it, many wild greens are packed with Vitamin C and other phytonutrients… When I returned to those nursery catalogs over a bowl of bean soup just now, I noticed that between breakfast and lunch, my choices had shifted from pretties to practical. Beans and potatoes are both good bets in terms of nutritional density, and both can be productive in small spaces. Raspberries and blueberries of course, along with my espaliered apple tree. More kale, always. And that gardenia? It stays, for gorgeous flowers that smell like joy. Because we also need beauty, whatever happens.

 

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